New Mom, New Country: A Journey of Motherhood With Keri Bloomfield, Author of ''Nothing Like a Dane''

00:00:10 - Speaker A Hi, everyone, and welcome back to my Kids Think I'm Cool but podcast. I'm really excited you guys are back for my episode with Keri Bloomfield, who is an author here in Denmark. Mark and she's actually from New Zealand and moved to Denmark with her family. And I wanted to do an interview with her because she wrote a really great book about living in Denmark and her experience. And I thought it was really great that she was able to share her experience living here in Denmark. What she went through as a mother, as an international, as an employee, everything that we all have experienced that she was brave enough and had the courage to actually just write it on her book. And I really amend her for that. And I think it's so amazing. And I'm really, really happy that she came on my podcast and wanted to share her story about living here as an international and also how she started not podcasting, but writing this book about living in Denmark. So I'm going to have it split in two episodes. This first episode is about her life here in Denmark as a parent, as international, when she first moved to Denmark seven years ago. So she'll be sharing that. And then the part two, which is the following week, is more on her book, what the book is about, how her road to starting the book, her journey and everything. So it's two episodes again because right now I'm really focusing on one guest per month, so I can really focus on sharing their link, sharing their social media, sharing their passion and what their business is and what they do here in Denmark for that month. So this is part one of Keri Bloomfield and she talks about her life here in Denmark. So hope you guys enjoy. So let's get started. I'm so happy that you agreed to be on this podcast and share about how you got to Denmark, how you started this amazing book that relates to so many people here in Denmark. You could probably do a better introduction than myself, but can you introduce yourself to the listeners and tell them about a little bit about yourself? 00:02:48 - Speaker B Yeah, well, first of all, thanks for having me. Thank you for inviting me. It was super nice to get the invitation. I've been in Denmark for seven years now. We moved well, to wind back the clock even further. I met a Dane in New Zealand. He was traveling around New Zealand as a tourist, and I did what all good New Zealanders do when we talk to strangers. So I got talking to him one night in Wellington in my hometown and roll forward seven years. I now live with that Danish tourist and our seven year old daughter. We moved here 2016, and she was only four months then. So kind of landing in a new country as a new mother, trying to work everything out. Yeah, coming from your own country where you know everything and you know the language and you know how the systems work. You have all those social networks and then just kind of that feeling of being dropped in it in this very new country where everything's foreign, nothing looks familiar, you don't have this friendly faces. You don't run into anybody you know, because you don't know anyone. So, yeah, the first year was full of all of those sort of things. And yeah, that began I mean, that's a really long story short, but that was the beginning of my life in Denmark anyway. 00:04:19 - Speaker A Yeah, your life turned upside down, and you never even thought of you'd be living in such a small country. I don't know if you had experienced it. I thought I was really good in geography, but when I first met my husband, he's like, oh, yeah, Denmark. I was like, Denmark? I had to think a little bit, and then he's like, right above Germany, next to Sweden. I was like, oh, yeah, and then go home and look on the map secretly. 00:04:50 - Speaker B Exactly. I'd lived in London for two years, and that was, like 15 years ago or something and actually had come to Denmark as a tourist then, actually, with my parents, which is really nice because my dad passed away just before I moved to Denmark. So they've never had the opportunity to come here and visit me. But before my life started in Denmark, we'd actually all come here for a holiday. So I've always been really thankful for that, that they've had something to hang that experience off. Yeah, I maybe had a little idea where it was, but I think it takes some time to actually understand the reality of a life ever after living in Denmark, that's something different again. 00:05:34 - Speaker A Yeah, I definitely didn't think that my life would be in Denmark, especially coming from a bigger city. And you probably experienced the same as me. It's like, okay, yeah, Denmark, but you've already visited me. I was like, okay, yeah, I can do it. But you probably did too. Before making the jump over to Denmark, you came a couple of times to experience it, and they're like, okay, I can see my life here. Or you just do the jump completely. 00:06:07 - Speaker B No, not completely. But I do think my journey was a bit different because I think in your normal, typical moving process, you research more about the destination. You research how systems work. You start following the right social media accounts and things like that. You start learning the language and everything. But in my case, I didn't have the opportunity to do that because I had so much going on in my personal life before I moved here. I gave birth to my daughter just four months before we came here. My father passed away three months before we came here. So really and for anyone that has children, you know, like, that first three months is just a blur. Right? You don't have arms because you're holding this little person the whole time. You're just feeding them, changing them, and trying to get them to go to sleep. So there's no way to be productive other than nurturing a human in that time. So I didn't have the normal lead in, so I did kind of feel like I arrived. I just put 1ft in front of the other, packed a suitcase, got as much as I could in there, got off the plane in Copenhagen, and then was like, Right, okay, this is it. Let's work out how this works now. 00:07:20 - Speaker A Yeah. Especially coming with a baby. You're trying to figure out motherhood, first of all, that's a whole different journey. And then new into a country in a different culture where they raise kids. Different, too, is all like, so much for a person. And like you said, it just takes 1ft to the other just to get used to that. What was your biggest culture shock when you moved to Denmark with your baby? I can name tons on the top of my head, but I always love to know what other people's culture shock are when they first move here. 00:08:00 - Speaker B Yeah, for me, well, first of all, New Zealand and Denmark aren't completely different. We do have a similar sense of humor. We have a similar way of living. You pay more taxes in Denmark, and therefore you get more in return. But the style of life isn't completely different for a New Zealander for me. But there is, for sure, lots of different things, and particularly when it comes to parenting, because when you're a new parent too, you're not sure what's the right way to do things. And you're watching what other people are doing. You're listening to what other people are doing. And even if you're the strongest, most independent person, you do start to doubt yourself, like, oh, maybe I shouldn't be doing it this way. Maybe this is wrong. So I definitely had moments like that when I arrived, like, kind of looking around, wanting to blend in, wanting to do things the way the locals were doing it, but not always understanding why or just not being comfortable with it. And we all know, at least I hope we all know now that babies do sleep outside in Denmark. It seems to be the story that goes viral every six months, and I don't understand why people haven't heard about that before. But anyway, yes, that's a big difference, for sure. It's a whole culture here in Denmark. Babies in New Zealand might sleep in their prams outside, but it's not a destination bed. So when we came to Denmark, of course, my daughter had been sleeping inside for the first four months. And I didn't see a reason to change that. Because just because I've got on a plane and traveled 24 hours and landed in another country, I don't see that that necessarily means I have to change the way of my parenting. And actually, some of the best advice that I got was from the baby nurse. You have these baby nurses that visit you when your child is newborn for the first few months, and she said to me, always remember, there's more than one right way to do there's more sorry. Remember, there's more than one way to do the right thing. So when it comes to raising children, you don't have to do it the same way that everybody else's. You can do it your own way. So when it came to baby sleeping outside, that's just something that I didn't think necessary. My daughter had slept inside for the first four months, so I didn't change that part of our practice. Of course, when she went to Voger Stool and Vogustall, which is Daycare nursery, she slept outside there, and that's what she did there. But when she was at home, when I had her hair at home, she slept inside, and she's healthy all the same. So I think that's a good thing to remember. We don't have to do things the way other people are doing it, but to also respect other people are doing it, whether it be a cultural difference or anything else. 00:11:08 - Speaker A I understand that because I was also skeptical about having my daughter sleep outside or even say it to my mom. And then I told my mom one day, it's like, oh, she sleeps outside. She was like, almost had a panic attack. It's not like Los Angeles. It's so different and it's so healthy, and it's actually really nice. I actually enjoyed having my daughter sleep outside because I could vacuum, I can do all these noises, and I don't have to kind of tiptoe around because I know she's outside. So I think that was really a good way. And then they sleep so good. Did your daughter have a hard time sleeping outside in the beginning when she started Vogustu? Or was that kind of like an easy kids just transition? 00:12:00 - Speaker B Exactly. No, there was no big transition there. She's like a duck to water, as we say. She takes up things quite easily with few questions, and I believe that's how it went there at Voger Stool. So there was no problems there. Yeah, but I do remember getting some questions about why my daughter didn't sleep outside, which does kind of shake your confidence. Again, like, wow, am I doing it the wrong way? Is the rest of the world doing it the wrong way? And I didn't enjoy that so much because when you first arrived too, you're not confident, you're not your best self, and added on top of that, you're a new mother finding your own way. So, yeah, I guess I don't mind having that conversation. I wouldn't have minded having that conversation. But I guess the way that I was asked it from a few people was, what's wrong with you? Why aren't you putting your daughter outside to sleep? And I perhaps wasn't confident enough to argue my case at that point. 00:13:05 - Speaker A And I've heard that with a few of my international friends that I've talked to. They just chose not to have their kids sleep outside. It's like breastfeeding. Some people are like, Why? 00:13:17 - Speaker B Absolutely. 00:13:18 - Speaker A It's like, you don't know my story. Why you don't breastfeed. 00:13:21 - Speaker B Yeah. And the other thing that I noticed a lot more here was that how children use, I think in America, you'd call them pacifiers, we call them dummies in New Zealand. And for me, I feel like the children use those a lot here. And again, personal preference. There's two sides of the argument there for not using them. It's something that I never used with her. She was never missing. Missing. But that's something else I got question on. Why wasn't she using it? And what does it matter? Your normal is not my normal. So my daughter was happy all the same. We should take our cues from our kids. Like, if they're happy, let's just do whatever makes them happy. 00:14:08 - Speaker A Yeah. We don't have to like, oh, it's not you're not supposed to be doing that here, but we can do it in New Zealand, for example, or the US. But here it's however you want to raise your kid and also how they want to be raised. Whatever makes it's for the kid. 00:14:27 - Speaker B Yeah. And I have this saying that I use quite often, and it's that we all think we're normal until we leave our country. So if you've only lived in one country, you fall into this default of thinking the way that you do things is the normal, is the right way, is the normal. And unless you've lived in another country and seen another way of living, sometimes you don't appreciate that it can be done differently as well. And I think that awareness is so important, both as internationals and as locals. Whether it be here in Denmark, New Zealand or any other country is just to appreciate there are different ways of doing things, and instead of thinking they're wrong, be curious, ask more questions. 00:15:10 - Speaker A Yeah. And I think children grow up to have multiple different cultures and understand, I can be different and not molded into this one thing. And it's one box. Yeah. It's the same thing as parenting. I remember when I was in the US, that this is the way it is. And then I moved to Denmark, I was like, oh, wow. There's so many different ways of parenting. And you were right. I never knew that there's a different way of parenting until moving to another country. Yeah. 00:15:47 - Speaker B I don't think we should fear it either, because it's not to say one way is better than the other. And I think sometimes people mistake can be guilty of thinking that one way is right and one way is wrong. It's just simply a different way of doing something. Yeah. So I think that's an important one for us all to remember as well. 00:16:08 - Speaker A Yeah, it definitely is. Especially for parents, new parents in a different culture, because you're kind of stuck depending on your spouse. You can have like three or four cultures running in one family, and it can be very confusing. And I actually interviewed another parent. She says, I take what I like from one culture and just integrate it into our own family. We don't have to be like, we're in Denmark the Danish way. So I think it's really nice that children can experience a different way of growing up. And then also, when you go back to New Zealand, or if I go back to US, we can like, okay, this is how it is done in the US or New Zealand, so they can experience it all. 00:16:55 - Speaker B Yeah. And it improves our adaptability and that of our children as well, to have that wider awareness of the world. 00:17:02 - Speaker A Yeah, that was actually my next question. Was it hard for you to adapt to the culture and integrate in Denmark? Not just being a parent, but also being you as a person, a wife? 00:17:18 - Speaker B That's totally a process. And that's a process still. Seven years in, I'm going through. I talk about New Zealand Keri and Denmark Keri, and that's two different people. Because coming from my life in New Zealand, where I have built up all these social and professional networks and friendships, and that's where my family is. And that is something that Danes too, place a lot of focus on, is social interactions. And they're bonding, they're creating those right from when they start burning hell of school. There's a huge focus on all the children getting on together, and they're with the same children for ten years in the same class. So all of those creations, we have a different school system in New Zealand. We change teachers and classes every year. But what I often say to Danes is, try and close your eyes and imagine if that was to be pulled away from you. How would you survive then? All those social creations, relationships that you've built up when you were very young, that you still hold as an adult? How would you cope if they were all taken away and you had to start on a blank page and find your new friends, find your new professional network. And that gets people thinking, because that's what happened to me. I had to restart. You have to restart when you move to a new country. You have to find your new place in that country. And it might not be doing what you were doing before. Your confidence, certainly in my case, your confidence goes down. You start to question everything you know or how you do things as you're trying to learn how the new country is going. You're listening to what everyone's saying. Sometimes you maybe don't get the right advice either. And that can take you down the wrong path too. So, for me, I feel like I had so much going on in those first few years. It was having a young baby, it was trying to find work. Because I've come here on a family reunification permit, which means I have to work full time for four years before I can even start to think about applying for permanent residency as a non EU. If you're an EU, you simply have to live here for five years and then apply. So there's some real pressures if you are a non EU resident wanting to make Denmark your home. And for those of us in two cultural relationships, it's a hard work to jump through all these hoops. And it's not about not wanting to integrate. It's just that there is a lot of pressure on to jump through these hoops and then add into that learning the new language as well, finding friends, it's overwhelming. So I'm not sure there was one or there is still, like, one major culture shock. It's just a combination of having to do everything and this constant talk of it's important for foreigners to integrate. And I hate the word foreigner. It's a horrible word, which implies you don't belong here by default. That's the definition. And I want my life in Denmark to work. It's a long time for it not to work. So, absolutely I want to succeed, but I think we also need to be real that that is a hard journey too, to to get all these things, to recreate all these things, your professional network, your social network, learn the language, find friends. So it's a journey I feel like now, seven years in, I'm much more confident with that. So whilst I still have hard days and hard moments and awkward interactions, sometimes I can bounce back from those a lot quicker. And those first, definitely the first year of hard work. And I would even say the first three years here is not fun. You're doing what you need to do. And I remember after finishing my last module at Danish Language School, so module five and getting that exam, I remember being relieved, first of all, because for me, language school wasn't a great experience. And I was so determined to come out fluent after three years. And I went to every class, I did all my homework, but the teaching style didn't resonate with me. I wasn't so lucky with the teachers that I did have there. And so I came out with an understanding of Danish after three years, which gives me increased confidence when I'm out there in public, because I know what's happening now. I might not be able to reply as quick in Danish, or if I do reply, maybe they can't understand me because I've got one of the 40 different vowel sounds slightly wrong. All my New Zealand accent throws them off. But again, I feel stronger and confident that I can bounce back from some of that. 00:22:22 - Speaker A Yeah, I'm still in danger school. I'm taking my module three final exam next month. So I know what you mean when you said you'll just felt relieved after taking it. I have a better understanding. I'm in that boat, I just want to take it. And I thought I also would come out fluent after Danish. Nonexistent at all. I can understand it. I can't get by, I can carry a conversation. But like you said, I might have said a V word wrong, an Oot word wrong, and no one understands me. So it's difficult, especially for parents trying to integrate, finding friends. I was in the same boat. It took you three years. It took me four years to realize that this is okay now I'm settled. I can understand. I can actually call Denmark home now. 00:23:20 - Speaker B We have to remind ourselves, like, what we have achieved. As much as we might still be struggling with the language, we have to remind ourselves we have learnt so much and we do understand so much. Even if all of that can get squashed in 2 seconds by a five year old telling you, Val, yeah, what are you saying? Or my daughter telling me just to speak English because her Danish friends don't understand me. It's like a knife in the heart every time. But, yeah, I think it's so important to remember our journey so far and be proud of that and not be put off. When somebody tells you they learnt Danish in six months, I mean, great for them. But that's not everyone. Everyone has a different journey. Some people are naturally good at languages. We all learn differently as well. And I learned by doing so. Sitting in a classroom with, um, with a teacher that is just telling us things doesn't resonate with me at all. And it's all in Danish and everybody's nodding their head like they know what's going on. And then when I ask them in the break what's going on? They don't know. So you're sitting there with a whole bunch of people that have no idea what's happening in that class. Is that the best use of my time? Is that the best way for me to learn Danish? No, it's not. So only after I went through all of that, I came across a Danish teacher, private Danish teacher, who was the first person that said to me, you can understand Danish, Keri. You do have Danish knowledge, you just can't speak that easily. But you do know Danish. And that was the first person that I felt like was in my corner. Otherwise, at language school, I really feel like and particularly when I went through, because it was in the height of being funded by the government, being this industry for 20 plus years, and they get funding every time a student moves into the next module. So that's their focus, getting a student from module to module. It's not necessarily creating bilingual students or fluent students at the end of it. So, yeah, that system is not for me, and I wish I'd worked that out earlier. But you don't know what you don't know. 00:25:25 - Speaker A Yeah. Because you're still trying to integrate in a new country, trying to figure out that you have to register in the commune. What is the commune? Everything. 00:25:36 - Speaker B Yeah. Going to the career job center, experience as well. 00:25:42 - Speaker A Yeah. So there's so many things that's going on your mind. And for me, it was like the last thing was Danish school. I was pregnant twice here in Denmark and trying to go to Danish school and and, you know, work out, you know, how to have a baby in Denmark was just like, this is draining to live in Denmark as an international. But I chose to be here, so I like living here, minus all the learning. But like you said, we've come so far, a five year old can smash it in 2 seconds. But we have come so far as international adapting here in Denmark. 00:26:23 - Speaker B Yeah. Do you ever have people ask you or say to you, if you don't like it in Denmark, why don't you just go home? 00:26:30 - Speaker A Yes. Many times. A lot of times. 00:26:33 - Speaker B And I don't know if they just don't get it, because I feel like I actually don't have a choice. Like, are they implying that I should move from Denmark and leave my family here? Is that what they're saying? Because that's never going to happen. And if we were to move as a family and go to New Zealand or any other country, the problem is still going to be there. But in the other return, it's going to be my partner struggling with the local how to understand his new country there as well. I get a bit tired of that question. I think it's okay for us to say that it's hard. We've normalized so much else in life about being honest and saying parenting is hard. Why can't we say living in another country is hard? It's not a criticism of the country, it's just being real. 00:27:28 - Speaker A Yeah. And everyone has their own different experience living in a country, depending on where you come from. If you come from Sweden and move to Denmark, I don't think there's a big difference. You are international, but there's no big difference on culture or the country. Everything. But if you come from New Zealand, Los Angeles, or even like, Philippines or Thailand, it's still a different country. And then if you don't even come in with English, I can't even imagine the people that's coming in with a non English language trying to manage Denmark. So it's so many different reasons. 00:28:13 - Speaker B And we all want to integrate, don't we? Because we all want to live our best lives. So it's not that any of us don't want to integrate into a new country, but I perhaps think there can be better ways to achieve the end result. 00:28:28 - Speaker A Yeah, I have my moments where I'm just like screw displays. I do, to be honest. I'm like, Why can't I just move home? I do have those moments, but I look at everything I was like and what I've achieved here, and I actually enjoy living here. But I do have moments. Like, for example, this week my visa was supposed to be expired. So I did the whole process of my visa. I get to the place to get your biometrics and the girl's like, Your visa is not expired. I'm like, Excuse me, you have two more years. I'm like, Well, I have the paper. It says your visa is expired. Apply now or you get kicked out. She's like, well, your visa is not expired. But I'll do it just in case. I was like, yes, please, because I don't want to not do my biometrics because you say that it's not expired. And then I get a letter two weeks later, move out of Denmark because we're deporting you. 00:29:29 - Speaker B No one wants that letter. You don't mess with that immigration. 00:29:33 - Speaker A No. So I follow whatever immigration tells me and she's like, no, it's not expired. I was like, I'm not going to question immigration. First of all, you're like, playing with my life. 00:29:46 - Speaker B Yeah. And it's like this new vulnerability, isn't it? Because living in your own country, you have unlimited right to live there. But when you move to another country, all of a sudden you have to start jumping through these hoops. And some countries have more hoops than others. And Denmark is one of those countries that has more hoops than others, particularly for non EU, which is why you'll find a lot of non EU's first living in Melbourne or over in Sweden or another EU country because it's an easier immigration route into Denmark, particularly if you're in a relationship with a Danish national. But yeah, it can be hard. It's tiring, and I think it's okay to do that. I mean, anybody who's telling me they have a wonderful life every day, I'm suspicious. Wow. I'm not suspicious. I don't believe it. For a start, whether it be Denmark. 00:30:41 - Speaker A Or anywhere else, come on, you have to have something. 00:30:46 - Speaker B Yeah. 00:30:48 - Speaker A And if you do have it's, like, what is that fairy dust you have? Because I would like some of that, please. 00:30:54 - Speaker B Fairy dust? Yeah. That's a nice word for drugs. What drugs are you on? 00:30:58 - Speaker A I'd like some. 00:30:59 - Speaker B Yeah. 00:30:59 - Speaker A Can you share it? Is there any cultural differences? I know you just said earlier that Denmark and New Zealand is kind of the same, but do you think there's any difference on raising kids versus Denmark in your home country? Like in Denmark you can do this, but in New Zealand that's a no no. 00:31:26 - Speaker B One of the things when my daughter started in Vulgar Store, which is daycare from about the age of twelve months. I think twelve to three years right. Was the amount of freedom they have even at that age. Like, she would come home and I would realize that she's been into the city to a movie theater, and I thought she'd been just down the road the whole day. But no, they got them all in their little Flora vest, put them on the Metro, taking them into the city for an outing. In New Zealand, you'd have to fill out consent forms for that to happen. And that would happen many weeks in advance, and we'd all know what day it was happening. So I find that super amusing that my three year old can come home and tell me that she's been into the city and seen my office. So that's a difference. And another thing from those days when she was younger at kindergarten was we'd have winter parties. So we'd go along to this winter party and there's all the kids running around, and in the corner is a massive bonfire, which is not really roped off, which is not really any kind of security around it. So there's a lot of fire going on in kindergartens in Denmark, I feel. 00:32:48 - Speaker A And then for my kids, Burnham, there was just a random pool in the middle of the Burnham, and all the kids are just jumping in it. And there is no adults around there. 00:32:58 - Speaker B Yeah, that's different. Like, health and safety culture in New Zealand, I mean, it's a hard one to explain as well, because it's not like they're reckless in Denmark. They just expect everybody to have common sense. And if there's something hazardous there, like a fire, we'll stay away from it. The culture in New Zealand is more we have to identify all the possible hazards. So if you're organizing an event or a school trip school trip, I don't know so much, but I used to work in event management, and we would always have to do a risk management plan of these things could happen at the event, and if they do, this is how we would handle it. Building sites have the hazard identification list on the outside of the buildings. I'm not sure that happens here. In Denmark. You can be cycling down the cycle lane and then it just stops abruptly because they're doing roadworks and there's no warning signs. It's like what you can see there's roadworks, so just go around it. Right. We don't need to wrap you up in cottonwill here. So, yeah, that is a difference, but it's one that I don't know, it seems to work in Denmark. 00:34:08 - Speaker A Yeah. I was really surprised that there's just a few things there's no notification, no month in advance warning, especially with the kids. I was on your shoes where I was like, oh, I ran into my daughter in the city. It's like, hello. Okay, this is really weird. Yeah, but it's nice. I like the freedom they've had while they're in school. Or burn a hound. Like, if I told any of my friends that they went to the movies or went to the zoo and I didn't even know, they're just like, there's no consent or no nothing. No, they just up and take them. Go on the Metro, go on the bus. They all have their yellow vest on to know that they're all together. Which is really nice because the people around them, the public, knows that they're all together. They're kind of all culturally aware of this group of kindergartens are going there. If it's in the US, for example, I don't think that we're trained to know that. It's like, why are they out on a public bus? They should rent their own bus because that's how we do it. It's like a school bus to take the kids to the zoo. Not you don't take public transportation. I'm talking about California. I don't know how other states do it, but I don't know if it's in New Zealand, too, if they're taking public transportations with the teachers. 00:35:42 - Speaker B Yeah, I think it's a mixture. But we are also in New Zealand, quite a car centric culture. Our population is about the same as Denmark, but our land mass is significantly larger, so we have greater distances, not so many people. So public transport isn't as efficient or as well used as what it is in a country like Denmark where it's really compact and it works really well. But just going back to Bernahau kindergarten, I think my favorite moment was when I logged on to the they have, like, an app where you can log in and see some photos of what they're doing. And I saw a photo of a bird being dissected with all these little hands around the outside. So that's something else you got to do as a three, four year old, was dissect a bird, which, again, was something a little different. 00:36:33 - Speaker A Yeah. Oh, my gosh, that's amazing. Now I think about it, that's actually really cool. But again, you have to have a pre warning as a parent, not just, go on there. It's like you cut open the bird today. 00:36:47 - Speaker B Yeah. 00:36:49 - Speaker A Which is great in lots of ways, too, I think. 00:36:54 - Speaker B Exactly. You have a better understanding of nature, I suppose, but yeah, it can still come as a shock if you're not expecting it. 00:37:02 - Speaker A Yeah, definitely. I have one more question. Since you are raising your daughter here in Denmark, does it make you kind of sad in a way that you can't relate to her as she gets older? For me, I'm realizing my daughter's now seven, and I'm realizing some certain things that she talks about, I'm just like, I can't relate to. I'm like I'm sorry. It's such a different culture into her. It's funny, and she talks about it, and then, of course, her and her dad are laughing and I'm like, Snowson. They're talking about a character that they learned in zero class I'm just like, I don't know who that character is. I'm like I'm like this. And then they're, like, laughing on their own. I'm like, does it make you sad? Kind of like you won't be able to relate to her in a way that you grew up? 00:37:55 - Speaker B Well, our daughters are about the same age, so I'm experiencing exactly that at the moment. As she gets into reading, they're reading all the classic Danish kids books that all the other kids in Denmark are reading as well. So these aren't stories that I've read as a kid. They're not stories now that I can read to her in Danish. So, yeah, it is weird. I do think about it. And I think the other thing, too, is that is it maybe just only natural as a parent, you think of your own childhood and that becomes not your benchmark, but that is what you know of being a childhood. So what I know of was living in a house and having a big backyard and having a river just over on the other side and going on long bike rides and all that kind of stuff. And we live in an apartment here in Denmark, so that's different again for her. But of course, she knows nothing different, so it's only an issue for me, I think. But I guess also recognizing that in her head, she thinks she's Danish. In my head, she's half New Zealand, half Danish, but of course, she's only known living here in Denmark. And when it comes to language, she is bilingual, but she prefers speaking in Danish as well. So when we're at home, our family language is English. But of course, she finds it more comfortable to slip into Danish, and then so does her dad. And then whilst they can understand most of what they're saying, I can't fully participate. So you do have moments of feeling like a spectator in your own family life, which is weird, but it is the path, it is the situation we're in, right? So we have to kind of just make it work. And I guess some of the ways that I do that is make sure that I always talk about New Zealand a lot, having books and posters from New Zealand. So she becomes familiar with some of the food and some of the stories that I did grow up with and things like that, and knowing about the native birds of New Zealand. She's probably one of a handful of children in Denmark that knows that kiwi is actually a bird and not a fruit. So the kiwi bird is New Zealand's national bird. It's a flightless bird. And it's a bird that we are all very loving and protective of, very proud of as a symbol of our country. And there was one day she was at her at Frit, which is like this after school care place, and apparently one of the teachers there, one of the staff members had asked everyone in the classroom if they knew what a kiwi was. And so, of course, my daughter puts up her hand and tells everyone that it's a bird, only for the teacher to say, no, that's wrong. It's a fruit. Thankfully, another teacher was there who has a wider knowledge of the world, and he was able to correct the other teacher. But that must be confusing and really for the kid as well, because she was so proud to know something and she did know it, and it was the teacher that got educated at that moment. So, yeah, I found that story a little bit sad. But then also, I was quite proud in the end because it was a learning moment for the staff member. 00:41:30 - Speaker A Yeah. And that's really good that your daughter was brave enough to say and proud to say that is a kiwi. That's a bird. That's a national bird of New Zealand, like, more than the teacher. But that's good also that the other teacher corrected because that could be a moment where it's like, mom, she can be something wrong. There wasn't that saving moment. 00:41:54 - Speaker B And then you wonder how many more of these moments might happen and you might not even hear about them. Right? Yeah. We do our best to raise a confident child that will continue educating people here in Denmark about the life outside of Denmark. 00:42:10 - Speaker A Yes. And I think that's all we can do is just help our children, kids, son, daughter, just to adapt and also have their other culture that is not seen so much, learn to teach other here in Denmark where they came from or where their families come from. So I think that's really great that you're doing that with your daughter. 00:42:34 - Speaker B Well, I keep trying. I just hope that it continues to be something she's proud of and that enriches both her and other people that she meets. 00:42:44 - Speaker A Yes. This is the last question for this part before we move on to your book. You being an author, how you discovered it is for any new parents living in Denmark or first time parents coming to Denmark, what are your tips for them? Because as I do more of these podcasts, I'm realizing there are so many new parents out there, especially international parents, or, like, you come here with such small kids trying to adapt themselves, but also the kids. What would your tips be for them. 00:43:21 - Speaker B To go and buy my book? 00:43:23 - Speaker A That's one thing. Yes. Which is so relatable. So I think you should actually talk to the New Zealand Embassy or something just for people to move, just to be able to have that book accessible. 00:43:40 - Speaker B Yeah, we'll talk about it more later. But it's definitely the overwhelming theme of feedback that I've had from people that have read it is that I really wish I had this book when I first moved here to understand all the little things, the different things. Why they happen in such a way. But yeah, I think if you are a new parent, coming here to Denmark is to be open to different ways and just to remember, like, when we started this, when we started talking today, there is more than one way to do the right thing. So always keep that front and center. So be open to doing things the different way. But if it doesn't fit you, then you do it your way and that's okay. Try and get out there and talk to as many people. I know that it can be so hard to leave your house, particularly if your partner might be working and they're going out every day, seeing new people, recharging their energy. But you're at home with young children. It can be the hardest thing to leave the house. Right. Not only from just being a mother perspective, but it's a new country. You don't know. For me in particular, when I arrived, I didn't know which way was to the supermarket. I didn't know what to do if I got lost. I couldn't even pronounce the street that we live on. I had to write that down and have that in my bag in case I got lost. I was petrified of having to either breastfeed my daughter or having to change her nappy somewhere and not knowing where to go. When I was out in public, I didn't want people to know that I was a foreigner. There was so much talk in the media about foreigners. It was a really negative environment and a negative place in that foreigners weren't welcome. That is how I felt then. So I wouldn't even want to talk to people when I was out. I would do everything I could to pretend if someone should talk to me, which doesn't happen that often here in Copenhagen. But if a stranger should talk to me, I would pretend I understood what they said. Smile and nod and keep walking. That just seems so ridiculous now after seven years. And like I've said before, I'm an independent, confident person. That's not me to be like that. But when you are just surrounded by everything that's so foreign, you can easily slip into that. So as hard as it is to some days, leave the house. Leave the house. 00:46:07 - Speaker A Yeah. And that's a really good tip. Because when I also moved here, I was like you. I was like I would just not say anything because I knew once I say a word, those like, foreigner, foreigner, foreigner, foreigner, it's immediately. 00:46:24 - Speaker B As much as people say that Danes are great at English, and typically they are, not everyone is. So not all Danes are using their English actively, so of course they prefer not to use it. And also, unfortunately, like any country in the world, there are still idiots and rude people here in Denmark. So you can have unfortunate moments out there in the public with some people. I had an angry bus driver when I first arrived here, and then that just throws you back 100 steps in your confidence again, too. But the longer you're here, the more you realize that not everyone's like that. And you just have to remember that there's idiots in every country in the world. 00:47:07 - Speaker A Yeah. I think all of us have come across that one person or multiple person, and it doesn't account for the country. There is gems out there that will help you and go through everything. So it's just a matter of putting yourself out there and meeting people. I know it's hard, but you can meet some good people out there. 00:47:30 - Speaker B Yeah. It's a bit like finding a husband. You have to get a lot of frogs. Yeah. 00:47:35 - Speaker A You have to say hi to a lot of people. Well, thank you so much for sharing on a part one of your journey here in Denmark and also how you integrated your culture shocks. I think it really helped a lot of people that first moved here or been living here for a couple of years and just say, I was not alone at those moments. Other people. And I think your book really touches on that also, that we are not alone. That what we're going through. There's going to be like, ten other people out there that's also going through that same thing. But I think when you first move to Denmark, you just feel so alone that you feel like you're alone. 00:48:19 - Speaker B Absolutely. You don't know anything. You don't know where to look for things. 00:48:24 - Speaker A Yeah. 00:48:25 - Speaker B And if you are in a relationship with a Dane, they perhaps don't understand everything that you're going through because they also don't know what it is that they're doing that you find unusual. 00:48:36 - Speaker A Yeah. To them, it's normal. It's their normal. Right. So thank you so much for sharing your journey. And to the listeners, if you want to listen to part two, it will be released next week. So thank you so much. Carrie, welcome. 00:48:52 - Speaker B Thanks for having me. 00:48:53 - Speaker A How did you guys like that interview about Carrie's life here in Denmark? I think it's really great that she's experienced that not great. What am I talking about? But it's really nice to hear that someone experienced the same culture shocks and what we went through as a new person living in Denmark, what we went through is someone else is also going through. She had some really good tips on there and also her experiences. It resonates so much to me, and I really like that she was able to open up and talking about her life here in Denmark. So on my website you can follow her on Instagram and also get her book. I know we haven't really talked about the book until next week and then until part Two. So if you want to learn more about Keri Bloomfield and why she wrote the book and her journey on getting this book out to the public and also to her peers and stuff. I think it's really great. So look out for part two on Keri Bloomfield's life. So talk to you guys next week. Bye.